Inhumans in theaters or five rules of the normal viewer

Нелюди в кинотеатрах или пять правил нормального зрителя

Going to the movies special to me, you might say, ritual. It’s one thing to lie around the house with a laptop, but quite another to go to a good cinema. You choose the time, buy a ticket specifically to go places and so on. After watching almost always go to eat and as a result a simple movie turns into a small event with relatively decent waste of time and money. To spoil the holiday, just some supermen. Or nonhumans. Haven’t decided on the naming.

There are a bunch of different characters who, to put it mildly, do not know how to behave correctly in public places. If you suddenly learn yourself, then change and don’t be like that.

Let’s start with the classics with the late. I love it when you sitting comfortably in a chair, and some man, who lingered when buying the beer, starts to go down the line, blocking all the screen. This can be tolerated because there are different situations — tube, all in hall (not a joke), personal problems — he was late. But what I cannot tolerate and what starts to boil — lanterns, fucking flashlights on smartphones. People (bad people) Shine them in people’s faces, managing to exchange words among themselves: «Sanya, what are we?», «I forgot the popcorn», «che-Gee-Gee». What the hell do they include, if you can gently illuminate the number plates on the chairs the same phone screen? Anyway, here they pass by, burning out your retinas and seemingly find… «Sanya, it’s not our number»… and went back. All this action takes place with the included flashlight, and when these cretins find a place, well I have another coat, backpack, sit back, and only then turn OFF the lantern.

Нелюди в кинотеатрах или пять правил нормального зрителя1

It seems to have calmed down… you Can watch a movie. Isn’t a bag of chips is rustling? Oh, and the beer was opened, the delicious aroma of «Hunting» flies. Here we go again! Of course, I’m exaggerating, but not go very far from the truth — these characters come across very often. In cinemas it is not forbidden, certainly they have a good checkout from the buffet. Here on the surface gets all a person’s upbringing — he will chew up in some quiet movie scene or guess to make at least a pause. Once next to me caught the guy who was eating Lays from a small package. To prolong the pleasure — otherwise I can’t explain it — he naturally bite those tiny ciesinski with a deafening crunch. Stopped just after my remarks — most probably the brain is not enough.

Have no idea at what point in the movie a culture of popcorn — I personally do not like him — but there’s nothing to do and for many it is a mandatory part of the program «going to the movies». Popcorn (at least the nachos) and soda — norms. If you are starting to collect the remains from the bottom of the glass, turning it into a hellish rattle. Another thing is everything else. Beer, chips… Some svergnutomu buy burgers in poppy or bucket of wings from KFC and think it’s normal. You need to be able to share the movies. «Patterson», for example, generally a sin to take anything, and the «Avengers» they can grab a popcorn, but the measure need to know.

Нелюди в кинотеатрах или пять правил нормального зрителя2

Hence another kind of primates. Gopnik purchased a beer and go at all on any session. They do not care about the film, most importantly in the heat but in comfortable chairs podsohnet. Beauty! But if coincidentally, this is a horror movie, and even to yell and neighing for the whole room to show your courage. Probably worse than these «viewers» there can be nothing.

Somehow my session got a witty sense of humor commentator. I do not remember what was the movie, but the kid who watched the movie is clearly not for the first time, I remember. For some reason, he decided to finish the speech characters is ridiculous. Well, for some it was the first couple of times, while he also did not say out loud»****** *****» (shut your mouth).

Incredibly annoying people who are all in the phones, responding to messages, leafing through feed instagram or tweeter. If that’s boring for you (or too complex, which is also an option), then get out of the room and not light the backlight of the phone. That’s what! There are guys who are not shy to answer the phone directly during a session. All smartphones have already come up with the reject call with sending message «will Call back», but if it is something urgent, kindly remove your ass from the chair and exit into the corridor. Thank you.

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Protection usually does not happen and the atmosphere in the hall rarely follows, so that the situation of cattle need to be handled either himself, or to go beyond the administration (not the best choice, because the movie pass, and not do anything). The administration of the cinema I spit on your discomfort. You are allowed into the hall, and you are really there as the want to survive. Even the age rating is not listed anywhere on the «Tadpole» (18+) I was watching the boys, recently graduated from 7-8 class, judging from their appearance and conversation. Remarks different kinds of villains can and should be done, but carefully! With screwy personalities and especially companies better not mess with. Who knows what they have in mind and not waiting for you after the session.

After them (and not only) remain crappy places, bottles, sachets, scattered and trampled into the carpet chips and other debris. By the way this often happens, and viewers who can’t monitor their children. To clean up the mess after themselves, they certainly will not be. In short disgusting.

What to do to best to step back from sverrisson in a movie? Highlights five points:

1. Go to the premiere

Strange as it may sound, but the chance of running into morons on the day of the release of the film extremely low. In the premiere days go either fans, or people badly waiting for the movie. On the popular franchise and the atmosphere special. For example, in Star wars people come in suits and with light swords — they just will not stop watching because they will be fully in it. What can I say… With like-minded movie always look nice. It is still the best protection from spoilers and immediate immersion in interactive discussions, theories, critiques, dozens of articles about the creation of and interviews with all involved.

2. On the second or third week of rental

If in the first weekend session to get fail, you can go to the movie in 1-2 weeks. The disadvantages of this solution are obvious: among friends you will be the main slowpokes and discuss in then will have no one.

3. In the evening on weekdays

The number of people significantly less. Depending on the cinema and film you can generally be the only viewer that is. Variant not the most convenient — work, fatigue, evening chores and tickets more expensive.

4. Dear halls

Everything is simple — not everyone is ready to pay for the ticket 500-1000 rubles. At least three stripes of Adidas immediately eliminated. Ideally to go to IMAX, but the repertoire they severely limited fighters and comic book action. Drama and history are very rare, the last I remembered only the «Dunkerque» Nolan, who, though a blockbuster, but still not a pop. You can buy tickets in the so-called VIP rooms. They are from 1000 rubles and get a mediocre screen and the same sound level of the hall «for a hundred», but comfortable armchairs or sofas and a small capacity.

However, it is not a panacea — on the second my session is «the Last Jedi» somewhere ahead sat unicellular Smoking (steamed — don’t care) vaping during a movie. This is what prompted to write notes.

5. Suitable genres

Drama, Arthouse, some Russian cinema (such as «Arrhythmias») — these sessions are guaranteed to all be quiet and peaceful.

Absolute last option out of the list — sitting at home! It is quite dramatically already.

Нелюди в кинотеатрах или пять правил нормального зрителя4

If you recognize yourself while reading this, fix:

  1. Don’t be late.
  2. Turn off the cell phone.
  3. Do not eat food from a rustling packet and never buy fast food, and beer to leave the bar.
  4. Watch the movie in silence, or at least whisper to his friend in the ear, not for the whole room.
  5. Don’t be a pig.

It seems nothing is forgotten. If you have something to add, ask in the comments.

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